An Homage To The Men of My Past
And what I’ve learned from each one
Written by Sheba Arifulla; teacher, photographer and Queen of Singeldom @queensheba24
When you’re the Queen of Singledom, you come across a wide array of men. Some are good, some bad and some are just plain awful! Though I haven’t had an extensive dating record, I certainly have come across a few interesting blokes in my time. Here are a few stories that will give you insight and help you reflect on your own experiences.
In university, it was assumed that I would find a man, being around so many people. I have no trouble meeting new people but when I get nervous, the geek/nerd in me, becomes oh so strong! I spent most of my time focusing on my schoolwork. I liked my first crush in university for no other reason than he was funny. Looking back, I wonder why I even liked him in the first place. He wasn’t a bad guy- it’s just that we were complete opposites. I didn’t end up dating him, but I do remember crushing on him for far longer than was acceptable. Reason being: he never paid much attention to me and I always was the Initiator. Deep down, I had a feeling that he wasn’t that into me but the challenge was exciting, so I kept at it. What this taught me was that not all challenges are worth accepting. If a guy seems uninterested, chances are, he’s not! No matter how much you hope to change him into Mr. Romance, it’s all in your head in this case. Skip the fantasizing- it will help you narrow down the guys who mean business.
In my late twenties, my friends and South Asian family were eager for me to find “the one”. Since I wasn’t able to snag me a man in school, they made it their mission to assist me in the hunt. Typical South Asian families would arrange a meeting over the phone, then get together to see if the guy and girl clicked and if the families were compatible. Or at least, this is what every Bollywood movie had told me to believe. This is not how it went down in my case. The first time I was to meet a gentleman caller, my mother told me that she was unsure if the boy was even going to be present. I thought was odd…How else were we supposed to meet? I was told that if he didn’t show, I could stay in my room and pretend I wasn’t home. When the family came, he wasn’t there. I was a little relieved; I didn’t have to make akward small talk. So I happily stayed in my room, reading a book. Then, my phone rang. It was my mom asking me what time I’d be home. She changed her mind and DID want me to come downstairs to meet his mother. How was I going to do this? I tip-toed downstairs, went to the garage, opened the door then walked back into the house. All this with no shoes, purse or any indication that I had been out of the house. I was greeted by my mom asking me, very loudly, how my day was. I was dying of laughter, while my mother glared at me, pretending that everything was normal. Needless to say, things didn’t end up working out with them because he couldn’t be bothered to at least show SOME interest in me and let his parents to do all the courting. NOT cool!
I recently met a nice guy at an event. He would call me every night and we would talk about almost anything. I remember discussing kids, values and other things that you would share with someone you were getting to know. On occasion, I would invite him to events where I would be the photographer. The first time, he agreed to come, and then cancelled the day of. After a few times, I started to think he was all talk, no action but still kept inviting him. In addition, whilst on a trip to Vancouver he asked if I needed to be picked up from the airport and he ended up being an hour late! At this point, I realized that he couldn’t be counted on. The phone calls became few and far between, teaching me to trust in your gut and listen to actions, not words. This wasn’t the first time and it certainly wasn’t the last!
So, as the Queen of Singledom, I pay homage to the men of my past and you should too. Take the time to reflect on the lessons that came with them, regardless of the icky outcomes. You’ll realize that you’ve gotten a little stronger, wiser and more equipped to navigate the world of Singledom!